Lifestyle -

At Toptal, we’re always looking for the best freelancers around. But what makes a freelancer truly great? Luis Martinho, one of our top developers, is beloved by his clients — so we sat down with him to talk about freelancing, technologies like freelance Node.js and HTML5, and paying your taxes.

So, to start, how did you get into freelancing? Have you ever worked a full-time job?

“I had worked a couple of full-time jobs: some of them were relatively corporate, but the most recent was in a startup environment, specifically in the enterprise SaaS space, building sexy management software in the cloud. We had a very talented team and a very ambitious vision. After four years of growth, we had an exciting product in an exciting space, which was great, but I wasn’t very happy. I needed a lifestyle change. When we started, I personally did not understand how hard it was to “start up”. It’s not just the hours, because you work long hours in all sorts of environments and projects; it’s the stress, the responsibility, and the pains associated with creating something new. It’s not all flowers and rainbows. In the end, I decided that I wasn’t co-founder material (at least, not at the time). But the experience gave me a much deeper understanding of the kind of pressure faced by startup founders, and I know that I’ve become a better freelance software developer because of that.

Freelancing looked more and more like the life I wanted: it presented an opportunity to find interesting clients and projects while being rewarded for quality work.

I started looking for regular jobs: first in my hometown, then in the rest of the country, then in the rest of Europe. I managed to find some interesting projects, some interesting compensation packages, and some interesting locations; but I believed that I could have it all. So I began to look into freelancing. And as I kept looking, freelancing looked more and more like the life I wanted: it presented an opportunity to find interesting clients and projects while being rewarded for quality work.”

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Recommendations, Revelations and Hidden Gems

Hello one and all.

Thanks for joining me for the second rendition of my book recommendations. This is for the great Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.

We will be taking a slight transition by adding the hidden gems found in the books as well. This approach has been influenced by the ever so inspirational Tim Ferriss and Derek Sivers. I highly recommend you check both of them out as they keep me pumped all day long. That’s right, it’s a recommendation within a recommendation. Just like Inception for recommendations.

Anyway, digressions over. Enjoy reading my recommendations and hidden gems of:

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel – Click Here to Get Your Copy

A slight confession before we continue: I had the idea to include the hidden gems of books when I was about 75% through this one SO, a lot of the gems are done on retrospect and I can guarantee that the list will be a lot larger, better and comprehendible for future books :). You trust me right!? Good.

Summary & Recommendation

An excellent read for anyone that wants to actively sustain an intimate relationship long term. The points are blindingly obvious, but very often ignored and the book is very well written – no joke, the language was nearly on par with something as complex as Nassim Taleb’s Black Swan!

Hidden Gems

If you know anything about me, it’s that you’ll know I’m a list man who wants to get straight to the 80/20 useful aspects of any article SO, in that spirit, please find the hidden gems below.

It’s healthy in a relationship to acknowledge ‘the third’ & play with it. The third is the attractive waitress, slim hostess or anyone that makes your heart beat slightly faster than usual. Feel confident that You are chosen by your partner over all these other possibilities. This concept adds spice to our relationships as it’s a realisation that we don’t own our partners

Sex has different appeals to different individuals. Some experience the effect of losing their minds, others enjoy an improvement to their ego and others lust after excitement & adventure. It’s good to find your drive to manage your own expectations

I found that reading this book strongly reaffirmed my belief in the importance of keeping a self, having our own habits and individuality. I thoroughly believe that a relationship can only work if both participants have their own life outside of their relationship. This book didn’t directly say it…but definitely hinted many times at that fact

Spontaneity cannot survive in the long term. A couple must act to make sex happen instead of just expecting it to happen magically. Early ‘in the moment’/’spontaneous’ sex for couples was a result of hours/days of preparation and thought. Spontaneous sex doesn’t exist. We won’t be loved and wanted just because we’ve put the time in – we need to seduce and act

And that’s the gems list. Take ’em, leave ’em and definitely spread ’em (yes yes, a funny play on words for a book about eroticism).

Esther Perel TED Talk

If you are interested in any of the topics discussed in this post then you should definitely check out Esther Perel’s TED Talks. She has a couple of TED talks and they can be found by clicking.

OR, if you just want to watch the TED talks, you can find them below:

Thanks For Stopping By

That’s all for this one. A short and enjoyable read that provides the reader with an opportunity to assess the motives within their relationship.

I hope you enjoyed this post and please comment below if you’ve read Mating in Captivity or are interested in any of the points made.

Thanking you kindly for reading.

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